Author Archives: dirtydolphin123

Go East

Together, We will go our way. Together, We’ll never leave; no way. Together, In shit vintage Ray Bans. Together, We’ll buy organic brands.   Together, We will ride our bikes. Together, We’ll wear jeans so tight. Together, We’ll start life … Continue reading

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Dear Easyjet

I wrote this last week while stranded in an airport. I’m sharing it with you as part of my healing process… Dear Easyjet, I hope this note finds you well, you deplorable bunch of orange shitheads. As I write this, Easyjet, I’m … Continue reading

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Oh Twitter

The thing I suppose about being on Twitter, Is you could be on Facebook which would be shitter. But what sometimes makes me feel a bit bitter, Is that interesting things happen in real life too. Twitter is lovely, Twitter … Continue reading

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Imagine

This morning as I ate a Nutra Grain and looked at flowers, I wondered what it must be like to be the man Dane Bowers. Would I lick you up and down until you’ve had enough? Or would I go … Continue reading

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Why Man Goes to Nando’s

Nando’s, Nando’s, oh Portuguese Nando’s. You knows and I knows why man goes to Nando’s. My nan goes, Hassan goes, Dan goes and Stan goes. Japan goes and Fran goes and ladies-man Juan goes.  The man who fake-tans Ed Sheer-an … Continue reading

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A Little Drink

  Scary, hairy, lairy, quite contrary, Mariah Carey, And smelly widescreen-telly, petroleum-jelly-belly R Kelly, Went for a little drink. “Scary, weary, low-fat-dairy Mariah Carey?”, said R Kelly. “Yes, R Kelly, my tagliatelle, my Nelly, my Fonzarelli?” “How did we, both … Continue reading

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Why Being in a Band is Actually Shit

If you asked Bolton’s lankiest sex-text maniac, Vernon Kay, to survey 1000 people on Family Fortunes, asking them: “What is the best job in the world?”, the survey would say: “Being in a band.” But it’s not true. Being a … Continue reading

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